Time Heals ?

 Time Heals, they say,

Is there a day when the shift happens? 

Is there a time on the clock ?

Will I be healed without scars on my soul? Like a new skin over the scars?

Will I then not cry? The tears forget gravity? Will my sagging jowls stay focussed on creating that dimple I used to get when those scars were open and raw?

Will then, my memory have nothing to remind me that I was hurt? That the pain was excruciating and when the breathing was so heavy that the next seemed like a mountain. Those memories are what I am made of today.

Time doesn't wait for anyone, I know. But healing doesn't work like Time.

I have not healed, and I know I won't heal ever. My memory still screams of the pain, the screams are all Red and Black. They cannot evolve and heal my soul. I cannot forget anything, I cannot forget you. I cannot forget how i felt deprived, how i felt injured in my gut after you dragged me by my hair,kicked my stomach and walked up to see how I stagger up to look at  you. I didn't have the strength then, neither do i have the strength now to erase it from my memory. 

I cannot be healed. No Time can heal my scars, no scars can ever dry up with Time.

Ishk hai- Zidd nahi

"ये  इश्क़  नहीं  आसां, 

बस  इतना  समझ  लीजे, 

इक आग  का  दरिया  है ,

और  डूब  के  जाना  है" 

लोग इश्क़ में हैं डूबते जलते 

वो  इश्क़ ही क्या जिसमें आग ना हो 

वो  इश्क़  ही  क्या जो गहरा ना हो 

गुमान किस बात का है तुझे ?

ये  चेहरा, ये जिस्म सब मिट्टी है 

जिस बात का किया तूने गुमान 

वो ही सामने आ जाना है 

और हाथ कुछ ना आना है, 

हर ज़िद को तेरे वक्त ने तोड़ जाना है 

इश्क़ है रूहानी  

उसे पाक़ साफ कर, उसकी इबादत कर ले

वरना फक़त वक्त बीत जाना है,  

हाथ फिर भी कुछ ना आना है.  

हर ज़िद को तेरे, वक्त ने तोड़ जाना है 

गुमान सीरत की कर, तो जाने 

गुमान फित्रत की कर, तो जाने 

गुमान इश्क़ की कर, तो जाने 

गुमान अपने ईमान की कर, तो जाने 

वरना हाथ फिर भी कुछ ना आना है 

हर  ज़िद को तेरे, वक्त ने तोड़ जाना है 

हम बैठे तो हैं तेरे इंतज़ार में

तेरे गुरूर के टूटने के इंतज़ार में

ऐ झल्ले मेरे, वक्त की एहमियत को समझ ले 

क्योंकि हम तो इश्क़ में फकीर बने बैठे हैं, 

 मगर अब भी ना सम्भला तो

तेरे हाथ फिर भी कुछ ना आना है 

हर ज़िद को तेरे वक्त ने तोड़ जाना है 

हर ज़िद को तेरे वक्त ने तोड़ जाना है.  

-अपराजिता

Hum kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Kuch chootta sa lag raha hai

Andar kahin ek dard sa ho raha hai

Pata nahi kyo ek ladi toot si rahi hai

Kya hum phir kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Phir sochti hoon,

Tum apne raste jaoge, main apne

Tum ho kaun mere jo itna roti hoon

Phir ye bhi sochti hoon,

Kuch yaad bhi hai tumhe?

Kya main yaad rahoongi?

Mujhe toh sab kuch yaad hai,

Par shayad “yaadein dhundli ho jati hain”.

Kya hum phir kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Sawaal karti hoon, Jawaab koi nahi

Udaas hoti hoon,

Phir sapno mein tumse baatein karti hoon

Phir subah hoti hai aur tumhari ek khabar ka intezaar karti hoon

Phir roti hoon, phir raat ke hone ka intezaar karti hoon.

Kya hum phir kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Sochti hoon mil jaate toh kya hota?

Ek chhota sa aashiyaana hota humara

Ladte jhagadte, phir maan jaate, hanste khoob gaaney gaatey hum

Bahut pyar hota, kabhi bhi beyparwah panchiyon ki tarah

Khule aasmaan ko chhoone nikal jaate

Kya hum phir kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Mera akelapan aur meri parchhayi hain

Ye dono pehle bhi the,

Tum inke banaye huye bulbuley ko

Tod kar meri zindagi mein aaye the.

Ek vishwas leke aaye the, naye rang leke aaye the

Jaise tumhe mera hi intezaar tha, jaise main tumhara sab kuch thi.

Jaise mere bina tumhara Jeevan adhoora tha

Aagey ki zindagi bhi sanwaar lenge yeh dawa tha tumhara-

Par sab kuch wahin adhoora chhor gaye

Kya hum phir kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Us waqt ko samete baithi hoon

Aagey nahi chal pati hoon, Shayad tum aao

Ab bahut kuch choot ta sa lag raha hai

Ek hi sawaal aaj mujhe sone nahi de raha

Kya hum phir kabhi nahi mil payenge?

Hizr mein Baarish nahi hoti

Barish mein bheegti humari aakhri mulakaat, 

ek hizr ke baad phir milne ki raat

Kuch ajeeb si thi-

Dard tha, khushi thi, tumhe bahut dino baad kareeb se dekhne ki tamanna ubharti si thi.

Baatein tumhari bilkul na thamti,

"tujhe yaad hai ye..? Tujhe wo yaad hai"

Jaise ki main kuch bhi bhool payi hoon! 

Inhi saari baaton ki ladi thi.. 

Phir bhool gayi main ki hum ab saath nahi, faisla tumhara tha. 

Phir kareeb aayi tumhare aur choom liya

Tumne roka nahi, shayad tum bhi rok nahi pa rahe the, 

Us umadte sailaab ko jo hum bahut der se baandhey huye the. 

Un do dino mein, maine phir se tumse ishq kar liya. 

Pata tha sab bikhar gaya, 

Pata tha ki ye wapas phir kabhi ban nahi payega, 

Pata tha ki ye aakhri baar tumhe chhoo rahi hoon, 

Magar sach, rok nahi payi. 

Un do dino mein apna sara pyar, 

sara dard apne dil mein aise daboch liya,

 jaise koi unhe chheen raha ho.... 

Baarish ki yaadein le aayi,

Tumhari khushboo le aayi, 

Tumhari baatein le aayi

Bas, tumhe chhor aayi.. Hizr hai, yahan baarish nahi hoti.

x

My Life without You

Of all the times i have laughed,

I laughed with you the most!

Of all the times i sang vociferously, 

I sang the duets with you most! 

Of all the times, i have been able to achieve my sanity, 

It has been with you around. 

Of all the travel i did, the best i did were with you. 

We talked of music, history, art, books and films..

We talked of human emotions too

We talked of food that you wanted to cook for me, while you'd feed me too.

Of all the things i most enjoyed doing, i did best with you. 

Of all the lies that i have ever lived, 

The best was "i love you"

Of all the tears i have ever cried, 

Of all the pain that i have ever lived, 

Of all the deceit i have ever felt, 

Of all the truth i have ever failed, 

This is the best.. When you are with me no more! 

Is it you?

I wait aside, 

looking around to find you,

I find someone, i ask myself if that's you?

I get no answer, but i walk and talk. 

I connect and i accept this someone thinking it's you-

In sometime, i realize the love was not for me.

He walks away, i try to stumble because this has taken many years for me to realize, it wasn't you. 

Again i start to walk and again i see 

Someone with a bouquet of flowers for me. 

He gives me happiness, he gives me love, 

I ask myself, is it you? I get no answer.

It takes more years to realize that the bouquet of flowers were rotten and insects sting me. 

Love was converted into fists and slaps and scratches and fights. 

Can your love be as ugly? Again i get no answer.

Again i start walking and again i see someone. Again i get no answer, yet again i walk thinking it's you. 

The new someone lies to me, his existence is all fake. He is a person who builds a castle of thin air and vanishes without an apology. 

How can it be you, no way. You can be far from fake. 

By now, my body is injured to my soul. 

I still ask myself, are you there? 

With pain in my pit i am dragging myself, i stumble upon someone... This someone looks like you, i feel.

He picks me up. He dusts me and says, "i am here. My roar is mightier than your fears. I am here to love you and comfort you"

My broken soul, now believes in him. Maybe you are the one! 

Time flies when one day he says, "what is left to talk? There is nothing more to know or tell".

Again my trust breaks, this time for good. 

I can't wait any longer for you! I am bruised, broken, tattered, irrepareable.

Don't know if you exist. 

Don't know if i am worthy of you. 

Don't know if you hear me speak. 

I want to just close my eyes and rest in peace! 

Thi subah suhaani si, 

Jab hum pehli baar miley

Train se utre tum, 

Hawa se baal bikhre huye

Aankhon mein beintehaan tajassus liye

Meri or dekhte rahe,

Baar baar kehte kuch, aur nazre tik si jati thi mujhpe -

Meri mulakat ka manzar behadd suhana tha. 

Baatein meri, rail ki si- na khatam hone wali, 

Aur tumhari nazre mujhe nihaarti hui. 

Na rukti, na thamti baarish ki tarah, dekhte jaate the tum. 

Phir ek sher arz hua mere naam, 

Phir ek nazm mere liye! 

Sharmayi main ki ab kahaan chhupaun meri ye surkh aankhein, 

Jinhe tum bas kurede ja rahe the-

Eka ek tum kareeb aaye aur, 

Meri hothon ko choom liya. 

Bilkul tham sa gaya sab kuch, wo waqt, mera dil, meri nazre, meri dhadkan,  meri saansein... Sab kuch! 

.. Bas tumhari khushboo meri saanson mein aa gayi-

Bheeg gaya mera mann, mera jeewan. Bheeg gaye mere khwaab. 

Thi aisi wo Subah suhaani, jis din hum miley the-

Yaad aaoge tum har subah ab se, 

Tumhara chumban, tumhara aalingan, 

Tumhari baatein, tumhara pyar...

Waqt wahi theher sa gaya, station ke us bench par jahan hum baithe the.. 

Aakhri baar haathon mein haath daaley, 

Aankhon mein beintehaan tajassus liye, mohabbat ka izhaar karte, ek aur suhaani si subah ka intezaar karte.